Obsessive Compulsive Delinquent
by Miss Puar
Summary: Lance is dared to stop smoking for a day. How long will he last?


Disclaimer: Four simple words, "I don't own anything". Now then, on with the story!

  
  
  


MONDAY 7:14 AM, BROTHERHOOD OF BAYVILLE BOARDING HOUSE

"Where are they? Where are they? Where are they?", asked a scruffy-looking boy as he rummaged through a pile of clothes, automobile magazines, tools, and trash. He was of average height, with very dark brown hair and soulful brown eyes. He was only 17, though he looked much older (he had a faint trace of a beard because he'd forgotten to shave this morning). He was dressed in a black T-shirt, brown leather vest, ripped jeans, and fingerless gloves. His name was Lance Alvers, and he was desperate. The ground shook a little when he stomped his foot, but Lance saw nothing. "Where are they?", he asked again. There was a distinct note of panic in his voice.

A silvery blur raced around the room and appeared next to him. "Whassa-matter? Didja-lose-something?", taunted his friend, Pietro Maximoff. Pietro was tall and very skinny, with silver-white hair and blue eyes. And, like everyone else in the Brotherhood, he was a mutant.

"Pietro!", Lance lunged at him, a crazed expression on his face, "Where'd you put them? Give them to me now, or I'll make this whole place cave in!"

"What-are-you-talking-about? And-they-said-I-was-hyper! I-think-you've-finally-lost-it. I-always-knew-you-were-just-hanging-by-a..." began Pietro.

"Toad!", Lance cut him off and raced downstairs. Pietro shrugged, and arrived downstairs before Lance. Lance looked around and spotted Toad in the kitchen. He was scrawny and dirty and right now he was jumping around, trying to catch a fly with his long tongue. A blonde girl with too much makeup was laughing at him, while a blubbery boy named Freddy sat at a lopsided table and ate a gigantic meatball sandwich. "There you are!", Lance tackled Toad and pinned him to the ground.

"Yo, what was that for?", asked a frighted Toad.

"Hand em over.", hissed Lance.

"Hand what over?", Toad squirmed uncomfortably.

"You know what I want!", Lance yelled.

"OK, OK, just lemme up.", to Toad's relief Lance relinquished his grip on his throat and got up. "Here." Toad reached into his backpack and pulled out a tattered notebook labeled 'PRIVATE'.

"This isn't what I- hey! How'd you get my diary?" demanded Lance.

"You mean I gave that up for nothing?", complained Toad. He looked up at Lance, and seeing the anger in the bigger boy's eyes, he decided to change the topic. "What did you want?"

"My cigarettes!", Lance replied. His fingers twitched at the mere mention of the word.

"That's sick, man. All that fuss over a lousy cigarette, yo." Toad shook his head.

"I need my smokes!" Lance wailed.

"Boy, have you got it bad." said the girl.

Lance turned around, "Got what bad, Tabby?"

"A habit." she replied.

"A problem." said Freddy, in between bites.

"An addiction." added Toad.

"An-obsession." declared Pietro.

"What obsession? I don't have any obsessions! I'd like you to name just one!" Lance said with defiance.

"Let's see. Kitty, smoking, cars, revenge, the word 'rock'..." Toad counted them off on his fingers.

"I said name one!", shouted Lance, as he folded his arms and glared.

"OK, how about Kit..." the house began to rumble at the mention of Lance's crush. "Er, kickin' the old nicotine habit, bro." finished Toad.

"It's NOT a habit." said Lance crossly, "I only smoke one or two a day."

"Packs." said Pietro.

"Face it, Rocky, you couldn't go one day without a puff." sneered Tabby.

"Of-course-not. Our-friend-here's-had-this-habit-this-habit-way-too-long. He-couldn't-quit-if-he-tried." explained Pietro.

"I could quit anytime I want!", yelled Lance, "Because it's NOT a habit!"

"Prove it.", said Tabby with a smirk.

"How?" asked Lance.

"Stop smoking." she said.

"For how long?" Lance asked.

"One day.", she replied.

"No problem." Lance said with a false air of confidence.

"Starting today." Tabby added. Lance cringed, but stopped abruptly at the expression on the others faces'.

"Fine." Lance snapped as he marched out the door. The others watched him as he took off in his Jeep.

"I don't trust him." said Tabby. 

"How are we gonna keep an eye on him?" asked Freddy.

"Simple. We-follow-him-around-school-and-make-sure-he-doesn't-cheat." said Pietro.

"Good plan, yo." Toad hopped up and down excitedly. He loved spying on people.

"No, it's not." Tabby kicked an empty soda bottle in disgust. "Now we have to go to school, too!" she whined.

"Oh yeah..." said Freddy, who was always a step behind. The brotherhood sighed.

"At least we get to watch him suffer." Toad pointed out.

"Good-point. Let's-go!" Pietro took off down the street.

"Wait for me, you speed demon!" yelled Tabby.

"Yo, don't leave a brother hanging!" Toad hopped after her.

Freddy took the last bite of his sandwich and picked up his backpack. "Guys? Where'd you go?" he asked. He looked around, but they were long gone. 

  
  
  


MONDAY 8:22 AM, BAYVILLE HIGH, HISTORY CLASS

Lance gulped. He hadn't been this nervous since those damned X-Jet simulations. Tabitha had set him up, he knew, but he also knew that he couldn't back down from this challenge. 'I won't give those losers the satisfaction.', he thought bitterly.

He opened the door to Mr. Martin's classroom.

"So nice of you to join us, Mister Alvers, and only a record 7 minutes late, I might add." Like most teachers, Mr. Martin couldn't stand Lance. Normally Lance would have snapped back at this point, but he felt too numb to talk. His entire body yearned for the sweet taste of nicotine. 'Just a little puff. They'll never know.' Lance pushed that thought out of his head quickly as he took his

seat. 

"Now class, we'll continue where we left off yesterday in our discussion of World War II. Please turn your textbooks to.." Mr. Martin droned on and on. Lance tried to concentrate but the room kept spinning out of focus. 'Just relax. You're in control. Nothing can own you... why does this sound so familiar?' Lance thought. His eyelids were getting heavy. He closed his eyes and instantly the pain stopped. Mr. Martin and his D-Day speech was over. Instead, Lance found himself staring at a large signpost that read, "Now Entering Flavor Country". Giant cigarettes lined the streets and their orange glows filled Lance with a sort of a inner peace. In the middle of the road stood Kitty, her long brown hair flowing in the wind, an Eve held between her index and middle finger. Mmm... Kitty, Lance drooled. Kitty winked and motioned for him to come closer. He lurched forward as if in a trance. 

"Hello, Kitty." Lance was blushing furiously.

"Hello, Lance." she raised the cigarette to her lips and inhaled sexily. Lance was overcome with a burning desire to taste those ruby-red lips.

"Enough french-inhaling. Let's french-kiss!", he declared in a burst of self-confidence.

"Mister Alvers!", Kitty sounded alarmed. And, now that he thought about it, she also sounded distinctly masculine.

"Huh??" Lance blinked. A very annoyed Mr. Martin was peering at him while the rest of the class was in near hysterics.

"MISTER ALVERS!" he roared.

"Yes, Mr. Marlboro?" asked Lance.

"The name is Martin." the teacher said with a sigh.

"Carton? I'd love one."Lance said. He leaned forward and his face fell on top of the desk.

"I didn't say anything.." Mr. Martin's voice fell on deaf ears.

"Under-age? Why, I'm 22! Don't I look 22?" Lance's voice was rising.

"I didn't ask you what age you are.", sighed Mr. Martin.

"If that's the way you feel, then I'll just take my business elsewhere. Good day to you, sir." Lance said huffily. 

In desperation Mr. Martin prodded Lance with his teacher's stick. "MISTER ALVERS! If you would be so kind as to exit your little fantasy world, we may very well finish this lesson sometime before spring break.", he hollered.

"Wuzzat?" Lance mumbled.

"Now that you're awake, please tell the class where the Allied Troops landed on June 6th, 1944." said Mr. Martin crossly.

"Virginia?" Lance ventured. 

The class doubled over with laughter. Mr. Martin sighed. "To think I passed up a nice relaxing job on the bomb squad for this..." 

  
  
  


MONDAY 9:00 BAYVILLE HIGH SCHOOL, HALLWAY

  
  
  


Lance was supposed to be in his English class right now, defacing his desk with doodles of Kitty, like he always did. Instead he was crouched in a fetal position, shaking violently. He was dripping with sweat and his eyes were glazing over. Students stared at him because he was now chanting "It's not a habit. It's not a habit. It's not a habit.."

Meanwhile, some students from the Xavier Institute (commonly called X-Geeks, by BoM members) were walking down the hall. One of them, an African-American boy with a 'Dennis Rodman' haircut was jabbering excitedly to a tall boy with ruby-quartz classes. "I'm telling you man, he was so messed up! He even tried to kiss Mr. Martin! You should have been there!" 

"Are you serious, Evan? Alvers really did that?" the tall boy chuckled. He wasn't sure he believed Evan, but if it was true, oh man...

"All that and more, Scott! He was a total nutcase! I wish I'd had my camera!" Evan laughed. He and Scott high-fived each other.

A girl with long red hair rolled her eyes. "Oh, Evan. You really shouldn't exaggerate. I'm sure that not even Lance would act that crazy. I'm surprised at you, spreading rumors-" she stopped mid-lecture when she spotted Lance.

"See, Jean? I told you he'd lost it." Evan smiled smugly.

"Maybe we should leave.." suggested a goth girl.

"Ja. Rogue's right." said a German boy.

"Are you wimping out Kurt?" jeered Evan.

"I don't see you goink over dere." said Kurt hotly.

"Duh. I already survived class with that psycho. I'm not pushing my luck." Evan replied.

"I have to get to my locker." Jean wailed, "If I'm late to class it'll spoil my perfect record and I won't get into an Ivy League college!"

Kurt feigned disappointment. "Nein! Ve can't have dat!" he said. Rogue laughed. 

Jean fidgeted. "Someone do something!" she bawled.

Scott couldn't resist. Impress his girl and torment Alvers? He hadn't had an opportunity like this since Ironback Survival Camp. "Make way, make way." he said in his most macho voice as he pushed the crowds back. Everyone turned to face Scott. One of Jean's cheerleading friends, Taryn, looked at him adoringly.

"Like what's going on?" Kurt heard a girl's voice.

"Keety? Vere have you been?" Kurt mouthed. He didn't want to miss this.

"I was like, trying to get an assignment so I could miss gym, but I, like, didn't have any luck." Kitty said.

"Don't vorry. Ve might not have gym anyvay. Look..." Kurt pointed.

Scott sauntered over towards Lance. Lance was still in the same position, still chanting, "It's not a habit. It's not a habit. It's not a habit.."

"Alright, Alvers. I don't know what you're up to, but I'm sure it's no good. Now get up before I contact Principal Kelly." Scott barked.

Lance snapped to attention. "Summers!" he cried. His voice was strangely high-pitched and almost maniacal.

Scott Summers began to back away. He held up his hands. "Look, Alvers. I'm unarmed." Scott quivered with fear.

Lance roared and wrestled Scott to the ground. "Summers," he snarled, "I know you've been holding out on me! You've got them, don't you? Yes. I can see it in your eyes."

"Lance. Are you alright?" called Kitty. Lance didn't respond.

"Give it up, Summers! I'm on to you!" yelled Lance as he tightened his grip on Scott's throat.

"I told you he'd lost it." said Evan.

"FIGHT! FIGHT! FIGHT! FIGHT!", chanted the crowd as Lance pummeled Scott.

"Scott, sweetie, you can take him." Taryn told Scott.

"C'mon, Lance. Hit him again!" urged Jean.

"Jean!" Scott yelled.

"I'm, uh, used to cheering for the winning side?" Jean offered. 'Serves you right for flirting with that bimbo brunette!' she thought darkly.

The Brotherhood had now joined the crowd and they were laughing from the sidelines. Pietro had stolen a mike from Principal Kelly's office and was now commentating on the whole thing. "In-this-corner-we-have-Rocky, representing-the-Brotherhood-in-torn-jeans-and-stolen-vest." he paused very briefly, and everyone clapped.

"And-in-this-corner-we-have-Shades-representing-the-X-Geeks-in-corduroys-and-preppy-sweater." he paused and everyone clapped again, because they had no clue what he'd just said.

"Rocky-gives-a-mighty-left-to-Shades'-jaw. Shades-is-too-stupid-to-do-anything-but-feebly-protest. But-what-do-you-expect-from-a-nerd-who-doesn't-know-the-finer-points-of-fashion-like-I-do? Not-that-Rocky-here-is-model-material-let-me-assure-you. He-cuts-his-hair-with-a-knife-and-purchases-clothes-on-a-five-finger-discount. I-on-the-other-hand-rely-on-my-connections-to-get-the-latest.." Pietro was interrupted by Toad.

"Give me that, yo. This ain't a fashion show, it's a rumble." he snatched the mike from Pietro, who had been caught off-guard by the fact that Toad was going against him.

"You-stupid-swamp-bucket! How-dare-you-disobey-me!" Pietro slapped Toad.

"DON'T HIT MY FRIEND!" bellowed Freddy.

"He can hit anyone he wants!" argued Tabby.

"Tabby!", whined Kurt, "Vhat about me? I thought I vas the vun for you?!"

"What? You're as bad as Kitty! They're our enemies!" said Evan.

"We shouldn't have enemies! We should be trying to establish a 'peaceful coexistence' like the Professor said!" Jean pointed out.

"Stow-it-Red." snapped Pietro.

"Ah agree!" declared Rogue.

"Are you saying you're with them now?" growled Evan.

"Welcome back, Rogue!" Freddy squeezed her.

"I knew she couldn't be trusted!" said Jean.

"What? Wait a minute, Little Miss Perfect. What happened to 'No Enemies'?" asked Rogue.

"That was before you and Scott.." her voice trailed off.

"I knew it!" said Scott. "You still- Ow! Quit it, Alvers! -Jean you like me!"

"Yes, I mean, no, I waahhh!" Jean ran into the girls' bathroom and started crying.

"Lance?" the crowd had gotten so big that she couldn't see her boyfriend.

"Oooh, this is getting good." said Rogue's friend, Risty, as she noticed that Kurt, Tabby, Pietro, Freddy, Toad, Evan, and Rogue were all fighting. Several other students had apparently joined in the free-for-all as well. Scott lay there on the floor, unconscious, and Kitty was still looking for Lance, who was now rummaging through all the backpacks and coats he could find.

"FIGHT! FIGHT! FIGHT! FIGHT!" chanted the crowd.

"What is going on here?" demanded a loud voice.

Everyone but Lance froze because the voice belonged to Principal Kelly. Lance continued to root through the lockers. "Yes!" he raised his arm triumphantly as he held up a slightly crushed pack of cigarettes. He reached into his vest pocket and felt around for his beloved Zippo lighter. He lit the tip of a cigarette and inhaled deeply. "My preciousss." he cooed.

"Fighting? In my school? And.." Principal Kelly sniffed, "Are you smoking, Mr. Alvers?"

"Filthy Bagginsss... he ssstole my preciousss... but I have you back now, yesss." Lance still hadn't fully left his dream world.

"Listen up. Everyone who was involved in this has detention for a week!" Kelly hollered.

The students all glared at him. 'How dare he?' they all thought.

Kelly smiled. He liked bossing people around. He loved the expressions of fear and resentment on students' faces. He was surprised however, that Lance appeared to be having the time of his life. "That detention applies to you, Mister Alvers." he said in a voice that clearly showed how unaccustomed he was to being ignored. 'How dare he?' Kelly thought.

Lance looked at Kelly and extinguished his cigarette. He smeared some of the ashes across his face and stared at Kelly. "You may take our lives, but you'll never take our freedom!" he announced.

"FREEDOM!" cried the Brotherhood.

"FREEDOM!" the other students joined the rally.

Lance lit a second cigarette. "FREEDOM!" he yelled as he knocked Kelly over and raced out the door. The Brotherhood followed, and the other students weren't far behind. 

Rogue looked at her friends who shrugged. "FREEDOM!" they cried and Xavier's kids were out the door (except for Scott, who was still out cold, and Jean, who was still crying in the ladies' room).

Principal Kelly tried to stand up, gave up after a few attempts, and collapsed in a heap.

  
  
  


MONDAY 10:39 PM, BROTHERHOOD OF BAYVILLE BOARDING HOUSE

Tabby, Toad, Freddy, and Pietro smiled. They were back in The Brotherhood House after what had been the best Monday they'd had in ages. Tabby and Kurt had snuck into a movie theater, Toad had played in a dumpster, Pietro had spent the better part of the day at the mall, and Freddy had just eaten six gallons of ice cream. He was starting on his seventh when he heard the door open and a very dazed-looking Lance, covered in lipstick, entered. "There's a smile on my face, for the whole mutant race, why it's almost like being in love..." sang Lance as headed towards his room. When he was out of earshot, the BoM burst out laughing.

"That-was-classic." said Pietro.

"Hysterical!" agreed Tabby.

"Duh.. I thought it was funny?" Freddy sounded confused.

"Okay-what-do-we-make-him-give-up-next-week? Any-suggestions?" asked Pietro.

"Why it's almost like being in love..." came a voice from upstairs.

"Singing." the others said in unison.

  
  
  


-THE END

  
  
  


Apology: I know I posted this before, but it got erased when my computer crashed. Lousy Sony Vaio... anyway, this story's back and better than ever, so please take the time to review this (even if you reviewed the damn thing before it got deleted). =^-^=


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